i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
