Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
