I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
