I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
