just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
