does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is the high leading the old right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
