i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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