I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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