If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
