Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
