And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you would pick up someone in the library
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
