I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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