Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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