he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize