so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
