He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I will pee on everything he values.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
sex in a hospital.. check
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
