you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
