I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
