is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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