I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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