Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
