Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
