Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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