he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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