I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
