Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
they need to just BURY HIM!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
