Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
