Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
