Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
