I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
