The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
