he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
