May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They took my balls.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
