I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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