Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
