Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
