I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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