she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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