I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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