you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
