I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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