I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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