I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
