You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
