recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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