We won't sleep together?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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