There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
