Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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