what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
