He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
