i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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