so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
