I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
