I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
