Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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