You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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