Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
