I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
love makes seman taste better
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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