I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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