just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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