oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need a beard to bite.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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