1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
