Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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