I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
