wakey wakey hands off snakey
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
