True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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