I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
