he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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