So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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