some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize