Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
