My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
