dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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