Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
