for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
