could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
