3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to stick my p in your. b.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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