he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My liver just had a heart attack.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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