I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
