nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
