is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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