I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize