Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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