Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
