I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
