she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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