eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My ATM looks so different sober.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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