dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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