I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
