I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize