I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
