did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
